Jun 18, 2008

Jokemaster... the master of jokes

So I was walking down the street the other day, and who should I see but a real, live pirate! He had a peg leg, a hook hand, and an eye patch. He was even dressed in full swashbuckling regalia. So I went up to him and said,

"Sorry, you must get this all the time, but ... are you really a pirate?"

He replied, "Yarr, lass, that I be. That I be."

"Wow," I said. "Your life must have been rife with adventure! Do you mind if I ask, how did you loose your leg?"

"I was swimmin' off the coast o' Madagascarrr, and a great white shark leaped out o' the water and chomped me leg clean off!" He stomped his peg for emphasis.

"God, that's terrifying! Did something similar happen to your hand?"

"This?" He brandished his hook. "I was in a mighty sword fight with the Admiral o' the Royal Navy, and with a mighty blow he struck me hand from me wrist!"

"Incredible! One last question, if you don't mind. How did you lose your eye?"

"Yarr," he muttered. "Seagull pooped in me eye."

I frowned, perplexed. "That's pretty disgusting, but how do you lose an eye from bird poo?"

"It was me first day ... with the hook."

6 comments:

Liz said...

oh sri, you're what the spaniards call "el terrible."

still, pirate jokes always crack me up. especially the usage of words containing "arr."

i think you should bring your booty back to blacksburg some weekend soon!

Monkey Sri said...

Thanks, friend! Here's another just for you:

A pirate walks into a doctor's office with a steering wheel coming out of his fly. The receptionist says, "Whoa, what's with the steering wheel?" And the pirate replies, "Arr, it's drivin' me nuts."

I will likely be in B'burg sometime in the latter half of July. You could always come visit me in C'ville...

Olivia said...

Oh my gosh, I was going to post that joke (the wheel driving the nuts) until I scrolled down and read your comment. I believe I was recently heard saying, "I can't be friends with anyone who doesn't think that joke is hilarious." I'm glad our friendship is safe. And the Jefferson apartments are mui excellente.

Monkey Sri said...

Okay, "drivin' me nuts" is one of my go-to jokes, and I think you're the one who told it to me. Sadly, it was too dirty for Toastmasters, but thinking of it reminded me of "seagull poop." Basically, this whole presentation was an homage to you ;P Also, I'm glad you like the apartments. We should hang out next time I'm in B'burg - I'll keep you in the loop!

Liz said...

ahh, the "drivin' me nuts" joke is one of my favorites. it comes into my head at the most inappropriate moments.

Monkey Sri said...

Liz, there is never an inappropriate moment to be thinking that joke. There are only inappropriate moments to stand up and tell it to a room full of strangers.