So I was walking down the street the other day, and who should I see but a real, live pirate! He had a peg leg, a hook hand, and an eye patch. He was even dressed in full swashbuckling regalia. So I went up to him and said,
"Sorry, you must get this all the time, but ... are you really a pirate?"
He replied, "Yarr, lass, that I be. That I be."
"Wow," I said. "Your life must have been rife with adventure! Do you mind if I ask, how did you loose your leg?"
"I was swimmin' off the coast o' Madagascarrr, and a great white shark leaped out o' the water and chomped me leg clean off!" He stomped his peg for emphasis.
"God, that's terrifying! Did something similar happen to your hand?"
"This?" He brandished his hook. "I was in a mighty sword fight with the Admiral o' the Royal Navy, and with a mighty blow he struck me hand from me wrist!"
"Incredible! One last question, if you don't mind. How did you lose your eye?"
"Yarr," he muttered. "Seagull pooped in me eye."
I frowned, perplexed. "That's pretty disgusting, but how do you lose an eye from bird poo?"
"It was me first day ... with the hook."