Jan 29, 2009

I'm sitting here in my office trying to convince myself not to put my fist through the wall. Or rip the door off it's hinges and throw it down the hallway. It's a toss-up. The first option has the benefit of being remotely possible. Yet with the second, I'm less likely to break every bone in my hand and end up in the emergency room.

My father had a heart attack.

Even typing the words, staring at them, there is no way for me to put them together in a way that makes sense to me. Attack had a father my heart. On some level I understand that he is fine now, that he had his angioplasty and is resting comfortably. I heard from my mother that he was joking with the nurses when they put him on the heart monitor. And before they did anything, he had my brother call me to let me know that everything was going to be alright.

Still, I have this overwhelming urge to break things. To scream and cry and exact revenge on a world that would dare harm my father. And I think there must be something wrong with me, that my first reaction isn't fear, or grief. It is rage.

Me: Get better soon, or I will kick your butt.
Dad: With both feet?
Me: Damn straight.

7 comments:

Liz said...

whoa, sri. i'm sorry this happened. but having a good attitude can really make a difference in recovery, so your dad definitely has that going for him :) if you or your family need anything, just give me a call, i'm right down the street, you know.

Monkey Sri said...

Thanks, "Gwen." You're right - Dad's probably the most relaxed out of all of us in this situation. I'll tell him you said 'hi.'

AndyE said...

I'm sorry.

Wish I had anything else.

Monkey Sri said...

Thanks :)

Bec said...

I'm sorry, Selvi -- I wish him the speediest of recoveries. I remember similar feelings (and lots of other ones, too) when my dad had a heart attack a few years ago (crap, I guess it's more like 6 now...good lord time flies...). I'm very glad to hear he's recovering well. Hang in there.

Bet you didn't even know I read your blog, did you? *lurk lurk lurk* :-)


Seriously, though, you are getting many mental hugs from me right now...like it or not!! :-) (I failed at the seriously. D'oh. But, seriously, hugs.)

Love,
The Bec

Monkey Sri said...

Thanks, friend! And thanks for de-lurking to comment :D

ashish said...

love ur posts sri!, everyday when i reach my office, teh first thing i do is to go thru ur posts and make myself happy.