Tex-Mex casserole made "skinny"

We celebrated the boss' birthday today with a Tex-Mex themed potluck. We had chili with rice, salad, homemade salsa, cornbread and cupcakes (*drool*). I decided to be ambitious and bring a casserole - and I tried to reduce the fat of the recipe. Here's a link to the original recipe, and below is what I came up with!

Ingredients
1 pound lean ground beef turkey
2 cups salsa
1 (16 ounce) can chili beans black beans, drained and rinsed
3 cups corn tortilla chips, crushed
2 cups fat free sour cream
1/2 cup chopped green onion*
1/2 cup chopped tomato*
2 cups reduced fat shredded cheese

*I cheated with a can of diced tomatoes and onions


Directions
1. In a large skillet over medium-high heat, cook ground turkey until no longer pink. I added some red pepper and salt to taste. Stir in salsa, reduce heat, and simmer 20 minutes, or until liquid is absorbed. Stir in beans, and heat through. If you're worried about the toughness of the black beans, do what I did and boil them separately for a few minutes. 
2. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).
3. Spray a 9x13 baking dish with cooking spray. Spread crushed tortilla chips in dish, and then spoon turkey mixture over chips. Spread sour cream over turkey and sprinkle green onion and tomato over the sour cream. Top with cheese.
4. Bake in preheated oven for 30 minutes, or until hot and bubbly.

This was a huge success - people came back for seconds and took home doggy bags. Even my refined palate (hah!) couldn't detect the reduced fat-ness. I made a smaller vegetarian casserole for our receptionist - I just left out the turkey and increased the black beans to compensate. She was very appreciative, and my fellow omnivores enjoyed that version as well.

The best part is that this recipe only requires two "fresh" ingredients - sour cream and cheese. Keep some ground turkey in the freezer and the rest of the stuff in the cupboard, and you can have this complete meal almost any time. Enjoy!

A detailed list of the foods I encountered today

1. Bowl of cereal with fat-free milk
2. Ham sandwich on pumpernickel with lettuce, tomato, and a teensy bit of mayo
3. Side of strawberries and grapes
4. Light yogurt
5. Handful of popcorn (OK, two handfuls)
6. Turkey dinner with stuffing, green beans and biscuits
7. Small slice of pumpkin pie
8. A bite or two from a casserole I put together for work tomorrow

I'm trying not to obsess about this weight thing, and am failing completely. I got up early this morning and did a few quick exercises - and I'm still feeling it now. Odds are even that I won't be as good tomorrow, but only time will tell...

3rd Annual Friendsgiving Feast

... was a complete success. This is a potluck dinner / fundraiser I do a couple weeks before Thanksgiving (one of my favorite holidays). We ended up with two turkeys, two kinds of stuffing, three kinds of mashed potatoes, and much more. Then we had to clear most of that away to make room for all the desserts! Surprisingly enough, I think my favorite dish (besides the garam masala gravy my mom and I made) was the parmesan asparagus my friend Sarah brought. Favorite dessert, hands down, was Gayathri's carrot kheer. Thanks to everyone who came out for fun food and philanthropy, we raised almost $150 for So Others Might Eat! Also, I now have turkey leftovers to last me until next Friendsgiving.

P.S. Please see Facebook for the pictures I'm too tired to re-post at the moment.

Well, that's unfortunate.

Sooooooo... The NaBloPoMo prompt for today is, "When you write, do you prefer to use pen and paper or the computer?" At the risk of sounding judgmental, I found it utterly inane and not worth my time. Maybe there's a challenge in coming up with something awesome in response to a terrible prompt. If so, challenge NOT accepted, NaBloPoMo. Find someone else to do your dirty work.

I'm still going to keep posting my own inane commentary, don't you fret. Like how I got up before dawn in order to get a sale price on frozen turkeys. I'm having my annual pre-Thanksgiving dinner party slash fundraiser this Sunday, "Friendsgiving." A bigger turn-out this year (hopefully) necessitated buying almost 30 lbs of turkey.

When I went to the store earlier this week, I was advised that the sale prices started on Friday. Accordingly, I dragged my sorry carcass out of bed before 6am this morning - which goes against my essential nature - and headed over to Giant. I had just enough time to grab the birds, toss them in the fridge, and head to work. Simple, right? WRONG.

When I went to the check-out, one of the birds was ringing up at full price. That is to say, THREE TIMES what I had planned to pay. I frantically pressed the "need help" button on the self-check out panel, but since it wasn't yet 7am the store was running on a skeleton crew. Finally, a stock boy came over and used the overhead pager to summon a manager.

First, she cleared my order. She rescanned my order. She cleared it again and used her own bonus card number. In the end, she had someone re-weigh the birds (not sure why this was necessary, but at this point I was not going to argue) and check the circular for the actual price per pound. Then she entered the calculated values in manually and I was finally able to check out.

At this point I was sweating profusely and would almost certainly miss my bus. I hauled the turkeys back home, threw them in the fridge, and trotted out to the bus stop. Luckily for me, it was a few minutes late and I was able catch my bus and make it to work on time. Phew!

People better appreciate these birds, is all I'm saying.

Procrastinators unite... tomorrow

Day three and I'm already behind on the NaBloPoMo prompts. There's only one solution - do two at once! That's what she said.

Prompt #2: If you knew that whatever you ate next would be your last meal, what would you want it to be?

Duh, an endless buffet. At Kentucky Fried Chicken for preference - although the lack of palatable veggies would likely send me to an early grave anyway. My best KFC story comes from my recent trip to Richmond for my friend Kristin's wedding. I arrived pretty late in the evening, and I was all on my lonesome ownsome until my friend Erin's flight arrived. So I went to my go-to comfort food, sweet ambrosia from the Colonel himself .

"They told me I could be anything I wanted. So I became a cartoon character."

It was the guy at the register's first day, so I had to give my order to him two or three times. Very... slowly... He was grateful for my patience, having no idea that I would have endured this, and much more, for the greasy goodness of a three-piece meal. I noticed the box was much larger than I expected, but toddled off with my prize without a second thought. It wasn't until I got to my hotel room that I realized that KFC employee was an angel sent from god.

That's right - three piece meal made of all breast pieces. You might be saying, "ugh, eating that much chicken would be disgusting." But you are a liar. It was basically one of the best nights of my life.

Prompt #3: Can you listen to music and write? What song did you hear today?

Yeah, sorry, can't stop thinking about KFC. It's just sooooo tasty, y'all. I dream one day of having a family, so I can finally order a bucket of chicken and not feel weird about it. And after my last meal is served to me and they take me off to the chair, my last words will be, "Mmmmmmmmmmm, original recipe."

Vegas Vacay II (cont'd)

When we last left off, our intrepid adventurers had a busy day of hiking, making friends with bird-men, and freezing near to death in a wintery wonderland (see previous Vegas post). On Friday, Sarah and I got Chris, the Vegas Veteran, to take us around to some of the immensely touristy stuff around town. We visited the Adventuredome, a carnival inside the Circus Circus casino, for some slightly-sketchy rides and games. I beat an arcade game called Title Fight, a boxing game where the main strategy seems to be jerking the controllers in random patterns until the other guy falls down. In other words, this game was made for me.

Probably has to do with all my pent up aggression...

We also took a trip on the New York New York roller coaster, that goes outside the building and gives you a birds-eye view of the strip. I'm afraid I was too busy holding my glasses on my face to really appreciate it. But NYNY is definitely in a tie for first with The Venetian as my fave casino.

That evening, several of us hunted down a purportedly famous fast food place on the strip - Pink's Hot Dogs. I will have to say, my hot dog and fries were crazy tasty and very reasonably priced. Obvy they had several non-blasphemous options for those of us who don't eat beef and/or pork.

Don't let the celebrity endorsements put you off.
Cool drag queens like Frank Marino (aka Ms. Las Vegas) eat there, too.

Friday night took us to Zumanity, which probably deserves it's own blog post, but which I'm afraid will have to be edited for adult content. Going in, I decided that it was no time to be a prude and just enjoyed it as an fascinating look into a part of the human psyche I scarcely understand. Despite being burlesque-esque, the major draw was still the athleticism of the gymnasts - Cirque du Soliel never fails to amaze/frighten me. I'm always convinced that this will be the show where some rigging collapses or some harness breaks... *shudder* Spoiler alert: everyone survived... this time!

Vegas Vacay II: The Revenging

Vegas, baby! Once again, Chris and Kent kindly opened their hearts and their timeshare to us this past week. I flew out with them on Wednesday, and we met up with Maggie and Sarah F. Between Maggie's desire to see shows, Chris' love of hiking, Kent's interest in slot machines, and Sarah's hope to experience all the sights/sounds/smells of Vegas, it was a jam-packed vacation.

Our first day was spent provisioning ourselves at Wal-Mart (the only time of year I voluntarily give the Evil Empire my custom) and scoping out the timeshare property. Tahiti Village, as the place is called, is located off the Vegas Strip and boasts such amenities as the Lazy River (a quarter-mile loop of pool water with a gentle current that carries you through the full circuit as you are splashed by playful waterfalls ... no, really), a well-appointed barbecue patio, and frequent shuttles to The Strip. The rooms are very nice, and this time we got a suite - with this many girls and gays, two bathrooms was a must.

We woke up early Thursday morning to hike in Red Rock Canyon - and discovered that a "moderate" difficulty trail translates into 20% hiking and 80% scrambling over dusty rocks. The end of the trail led us to a fascinating natural lake, which Maggie, Kent and I stopped to admire and which Chris and Sarah immediately hiked around. Purportedly, there was a lovely view of Las Vegas on the other side, but I was too exhausted to see for myself. It seems I am less prepared, fitness-wise, for the zombie apocalypse than I originally thought.

On Thursday night we celebrated Chris' birthday - first at our favorite bar, the Blue Martini, then with dinner at Khotan for pan-Asian cuisine and a birds-eye view of the Siren Show at Treasure Island. Literally - the guy dressed as a parrot waved to me! Then, as a surprise, we took Chris to the Minus 5 Ice Lounge. As you might imagine, the glasses, decorations, chairs, tables, walls, and ceiling were all made of ice. We each rented a thick coat, boots and gloves. A few wolf pelts were through around to allow us to sit without freezing our bums off. It was a rather surreal experience - and a rather brief one, since apparently the human body cannot withstand such temperatures for more than 30 minutes. I felt sorry for the bartender, who was more scantily clad (though she was wearing an enormous fur hat) - but happily they rotate out frequently so as not to suffer from frostbite.

I will stop there and save Friday and Saturday for another post. I also owe Maggie and the world several TV blog posts, which I will attend to post-haste!

Act Locally

Last night, my friend Emily looked up from the lamb meat she was ripping apart with her bare hands to ask, "Why no blog posts lately?" As I stared into her gristly visage, I had to acknowledge that she had a point. Sometimes I compose entire entries in my head, only to forget all about actually publishing them them. Unfortunately, that's not the case today. So you will all now be subjected to disjointed ramblings about my life. If you have a problem with that... take it up with Emily.

On Saturday, Maggie and I helped a friend move. This provided me ample opportunity to demonstrate my superior strength (at least compared to Maggie), so though I was exhausted I was well pleased with myself. Afterward we lunched at Two Amys, a Neapolitan pizzeria in my neighborhood, and had dessert at Something Sweet, an adorable little cupcakes/ cookies/ ice cream/ coffee place. After Maggie dropped me off at home, I showered and changed and headed right back out to Big Planet Comics for Free Comic Book Day with my friend Jays. I got one free comic... and dropped $75 on graphic novels. Ooops.

Though I love comic books, I much prefer owning them
in the form of trade paperbacks.

Later I met up with my friend Justin to play Rock Band and have dinner at Alero, a nearby Tex Mex restaurant that I enjoy. From this whole story you should be able to understand two things about me - the first is that I'm a big ol' nerd. The second is that I like to patronize local businesses. In fact, while Emily was cajoling me into posting more (with bits of cheese stuck to her face), we were dining at BGR - a great burger place up in Bethesda. Don't ask me why Emily's burger disintegrated into a pile of meat, bread and cheese crumbles that she was obliged to messily devour. It's part of her charm.

Anyway, what was I saying... oh yeah, supporting local businesses. It feels like a terribly hipster-ish thing to say. And I will freely admit that I'm not 100% sure why it's so important - dollars in the local economy, jobs and infrastructure, etc etc I'm sure. From a purely personal standpoint, though, local restaurants and stores are just more fun. Sure, a local bookstore doesn't have the convenience or selection of Amazon. Maybe the sandwiches at the corner deli cost a couple bucks more than Subway. But think about how boring life would be if we only had global chains. Every town would be the same, except for maybe the number of Starbucks it was able to support. Those are my two cents - and they're going to stay right here in NW DC.

Good times with my Indian Friends

Recently, it was Restaurant Week here in DC. Accordingly, I made dinner plans with my two token Indian Friends D and P. The problem with making plans with Indian people, in my experience, is that we suck at it. Give us a date, time and place to show up and we'll be there - at least 30 minutes late, but we'll be there. Try to get us involved in the planning process is like herding cats (or, as I noted previously, like trying to eat Jell-o with a fork).

D's work schedule is crazy, so she wanted to meet at the ungodly hour of 5:30. I wanted to call every damn place on the list to try to make reservations, convinced that we'd never get a table. We were saved entirely by the fact that, against all odds, P actually has her shit together. She handled the reservations, and that Thursday found us supping at Notti Bianche (or as D called it, Naughty Bi-atch).

I had the bagna caoda, the organic baby lettuce salad, the apple and sausage stuffed porchetta, and we shared the three desserts. All were delicious but very rich. I feel like an old lady saying that ... like, as my palate matures so does my intestinal tract. Sorry - TMI? Anyway, the food is not the important part - we had lots of fun, chatting about all kinds of things that only an Indian Friend would understand. Our successful siblings, prideful papas, and marriage-minded moms all made for conversation more satisfying than even the torta di cioccolata.

So, thanks ladies! We will have to get together again soon :)

--

Feeling left out because you don't have an Indian Friend? Don't despair! (Warning: NSFW)

Turkey Day II: The Revenging

As with anything I have absolutely no knowledge about, I turned to Google for help in preparing the turkey. Apparently you're supposed to buy 3/4 lb turkey breast (or 1 lb whole turkey) per guest. But when I got to the store the 7.5 lb turkey I was supposed to buy looked rather wimpy. I went for an almost 9.5 lb turkey instead ('cause you can't have success without excess). The next day, I rose at the crack of midmorning so I could have the bird ready by the early afternoon, when my guests were due to arrive. Then, I read the instructions: "Brush with oil or butter and season. Place on wire rack in roasting pan..."

Simple enough, right? Only I didn't have a brush, seasoning, or a wire rack. Oops. I tried rubbing the turkey down with vegetable oil, but I accidentally poured too much into my hand. I panicked and dumped it all on the turkey, drenching it. Not an auspicious beginning. I tried to remove some of the oil, but I only succeeded in further molesting the poor bird. Then I dug through my cabinets and found a chipotle rub that had served me well in the past. Sprinkled that on, and the turkey had turned a lovely light orange color. Faaaan-tastic. As for the pan, I improvised. Perhaps the less said about that, the better.

It was with some trepidation that I put the turkey in the oven at 10 o'clock. It was supposed to need 3 hours to cook, but when I checked it at noon, the little timer had popped out! I turned off the oven and Googled, "how to keep a turkey warm for two hours without drying it to the point of unrecognizability." I got a surprising number of hits. I ended up basting it and leaving it in oven. My friend Rachel was bringing the sweet potatoes, and would need the oven to melt the marshmallow topping (*drool*). I figured we could warm everything up at once, so I tossed the mashed potatoes in there as well.

Once most of the guests had arrived, it was time to heat up the food. I moved the top rack down to accommodate Rachel's casserole dish. Little did I realize, the rack was now sitting directly on top of the turkey. Pressing on the top of the turkey, as it turned out. So much so that when I tried to slide out the bottom rack to retrieve said turkey, only the pan moved. The turkey, perched precariously on my makeshift rack, almost fell out into the oven. In my haste to correct this situation, I jostled the bowl of potatoes and it actually fell out into the oven.

And now I was in a blind panic. Rachel and I yanked her casserole dish out and plonked it on the stove. I then shifted the top rack out of the way, hollering at Doug (who was closest) to move my dish drying rack out of the way. I quickly extracted the turkey from the oven, almost dropping it no fewer than three times. As soon as I got the turkey on the counter top, I whirled back to check the potatoes. Luckily, they hadn't spilled - which was probably more due to their consistency than their flimsy tin foil covering. Final score Sri: 1, malicious Thanksgiving foodstuffs: 0.

Happily, the turkey turned out well. The extra oil made the skin nice a crispy, and it was moist and delicious all the way through. Mmmmmmm. And unlike my family Thanksgiving where we end up with a freezerful of turkey meat, I had only one container of leftovers. Now all I have to do is figure out a way to use the "ruined" cranberry sauce (how I was I to know you were supposed to slice the gelatinous cylinder, instead of just mixing the hell out of the thing?) and I'll be all set!

Thanks to Maggie, Rachel, Doug, Lisa, Amanda, Jays, Susan and Patrick for enabling this mad experiment. And for bringing side dishes. Same time next year?

Say it right - it's CHOW-DAH!

There are so many things I love about fall, especially fall in Virginia. The temperature ranges from Just Right to Sweater Weather. When I was a young nerdling, fall meant the start of school - for someone as scholastically oriented as myself, it was more energizing than New Years. Fall means that my birthday and other winter holidays are right around the corner. And of course, there are the leaves. I think Eddie from Ohio said it best in their song, Old Dominion:

You think that autumns in New England
Are the greatest of them all,
But give me sweet Virginia
For the fireworks of fall!
The prettiest October
In all the 50 states.
Just drive up to the skyline,
Park the car and wait.

But my favorite thing about fall is Thanksgiving. That most American holidays, celebrating the original immigrants, the Pilgrims, being welcomed to the New World by the noble American Indians ... who they would later persecute to near-extinction. Heh heh ... aaaanyway. The food's good. So this year, in anticipation of Thanksgiving at my parent's house, I decided to have some friends over for a full Turkey dinner at my place. Long-time fans of this blog are cringing, and possibly remembering several occasions when I almost set my house on fire. No to worry, my little chickadees. I had everything under control ... mostly.

The thing you should know about me and traditional American food is that I have received almost no formal training in preparing it. I took Home-Ec in sixth grade, but all I learned from that was how to stitch together a stuffed animal when presented with a kit and which fork to use at a fancy dinner. Of course, I promptly forgot these skills, as those situations never came up again. My mom and I make Thanksgiving dinner at home, but she handles all the hard parts - I do things like handing her things from high shelves and making the stuffing from a box.

Therefore, I felt no compunction in purchasing a box of stuffing, potato flakes and cans of gravy. Steamed some frozen veggies and got someone to bring rolls and dessert, and I was basically done. Except for the small detail of main dishes - specifically, the turkey itself and a vegetarian option (I went for corn chowder). For the chowder, I found a nice kosher recipe and made it the previous day. For the turkey ... oh, the turkey.

To be continued...

Blog Action Day 2009

The topic of this year's Blog Action Day is climate change. I'm not about to go all EPA on you ... if you're reading this, you're probably a hippie-liberal like myself and are totally on board with the whole We're Suffocating Mother Earth in Greenhouse Gases thing. The question remains, "what can I do about it?" P.S. The EPA's children's site is much more my speed, sad to say.

For a while now all the cool kids have been talking about "reducing your carbon footprint." And when I lived in C'ville, I knew I was not doing so well with that. I would routinely drive to visit my family (300 miles round trip) or my friends (200 miles round trip) every other weekend. I drove to work, even though I lived within walking distance. I had moderate success with recycling, but I quickly lost interest in composting. I went on a number of international trips and flew domestically fairly often. The only reason I can write all this now is that I've changed/will be changing many of these things, and thus am not as shamed as I used to be.

So I figured my carbon footprint must be HUGE. Like, astronomical and offensive to god, right? For this year's Blog Action Day, I decided that confession is good for the soul. And so I give you, My Carbon Footprint (from the last three years).

Link: http://www.carbonfootprint.com/calculator.aspx

So I've clearly outstripped the world target by a factor of five - I was expecting that. What surprised me is that my footprint is HALF the national average. Sure, I didn't routinely burn enough coal to heat the neighborhood or use a rocket-pack to get to the grocery store, but seriously? That's kind of sad.

Clearly, the amount of traveling I was doing was a problem. Well, that's been taken care of - as my loyal readers will remember, I've sent Sheldon (my beloved Corolla) home with my parents. My dad usually drives him to work instead of his minivan (which is certainly less fuel efficient than Sheldon) - two birds, one stone! What I really need to work on, it seems, are all my "Secondary" issues. These are things like buying organic/local/seasonal foods and ... recreation? The one thing I don't like about this calculator is that it doesn't provide direct links with explanations. I know why I should take a walk rather than go to a restaurant in terms of my waistline, but I'm scratching my head as to what exactly that has to do with climate change.

I guess the moral of the story is that there are lots of things we can do, not all of which may be intuitive. For my part I will continue the Great Public Transportation Experiment, check out the year-round fresh food market for some grub, and maybe try to incorporate some "zero carbon activities" into my free time. What about you?

Brownies

One of the best things about moving is that you have a valid excuse to use all the perishable items in your fridge and pantry. So today I decided to make brownies. Furthermore, I decided I was going to make delicious wine brownies, like the ones Jojo brought to our impromptu class reunion. Of course, she simply substituted wine for water (WWJD brownies, if you will) in a packaged brownie mix. I don't believe in using mixes unless circumstances are dire, so I figured I would improvise.

*cue ominous music*

First I started with this simple brownie recipe:

1/2 c. butter or oil
4 tbsp. cocoa or 2 sq. chocolate
1 c. sugar
2 eggs, well beaten
3/4 c. flour
1/4 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. vanilla
1 c. nuts, chopped

Mix all ingredients together. Spread in well greased pan. Bake a 350, 30-35 minutes. Let cool 10 minutes.

Already I'm excited because of the two-step instructions: mix, then bake. Except, nowhere is water mentioned in this recipe. How am I supposed to substitute wine for water if there isn't any water? Upon further consideration, several other problems make themselves apparent...

1. I don't have any unsweetened cocoa, only hot cocoa mix pouches. Gourmet hot cocoa mix pouches, but still.
2. After my dad's heart attack, the whole family switched from eggs (evil, cholesterol-filled sons of bitches) to egg-substitute products.
3. There isn't a drop of vanilla extract to be had in the apartment, and I'm sure as hell not going out to buy any for one batch of brownies.
4. My mounting frustration, evidenced by my increasingly colorful language. Dammit.

So ... I improvised further. Here's what I actually ended up using:

1/2 c. butter (melted from it's frozen state in an improvised double-boiler)
entire packet of gourmet "double dutch" hot cocoa mix (why not?)
3/4 c. sugar (cut back to compensate for sugar in hot cocoa mix)
2 egg-equivalent amount of egg substitute (shaking a carton is much easier than beating eggs, anyway)
almost 3/4 c. flour (ran out!)
a pinch of salt (since I used salted butter)
1/2 tsp. baking powder (...ish)
a generous dollop on hard cider

Wait a minute, you're thinking. Hard cider? I thought you were going to use wine!

Yes, yes. But for some reason (I blame nasty, devious, wine-stealing gnomes!) I have no open bottles of wine in my house. Or rather, open bottles of wine never last long in my house. Anyway, I splashed in some hard cider and then enjoyed the rest of the bottle while I waited for the brownies to bake (same temp/time as the original instructions). A win-win, if you ask me!

And here I am, sitting with the finished product. Here goes, fair readers.

*nom nom nom*

Not bad. The chocolate taste is muted, and there is the subtle flavor of cider without the alcoholic bite. And they're quite cakey, not really as dense as brownies usually are. Overall, though, quite delicious and a definite success. Now I just have to figure out how to use that box of sangria Liz brought me, and I'll be all set!

Fat Lip

It's amazing to me what I can and can't do with the right lower quadrant of my face completely numb from Novocaine. I talk on the phone and eat a cup of yogurt. I can't purse my lips evenly or stop playing with my mouth. It feels like my lower lip should be huge, but constant checks in the mirror confirm that my face is as proportional as it ever was.

On the upside, I learned a lot about my dentist today. She enjoys ballroom dancing, and has been taking lessons for over ten years. She watches trashy reality TV shows like The Bachelorette and likes to pretend that her office (in the mountains) is actually located on the beach. I quite like her. Which is pretty remarkable, since just this morning she spent the better part of an hour drilling holes in me. And then told me I'd be too numb to eat much of anything until 3pm.

*pokes lip* Any time, now.

The weary traveler finally makes it home

Last week I was again up in New York for my certificate program. Eight hours in a classroom per day for five whole days, joy of joys. Two things made the week bearable - that I find the material endlessly fascinating (nerd!) and that I had plans to meet up with my friend, Ducks, and visit NYC.

Ducks' life is completely alien to me. She lives in a one-room apartment with a tiny kitchen and a minuscule fridge. Keeping a bunch of food around would only attract vermin, so her cupboards are constantly bare. On the plus side, anything you could ever want to eat is available in the city - and the store that sells it is within walking distance. While it takes me half an hour to get a box of cereal from Kroger, Ducks can pop over to the cafe (literally) around the corner and bring back the freshest, most delicious pastries known to man. We breakfasted like kings.

For lunch we met friends at a French restaurant - our waiter's accent was pronounced and extremely intimidating. I wanted to order the quiche, but hesitated because it was on the brunch menu. "Don't worry," our friends Ann and Alyssa reassured me. "Brunch in New York doesn't start until noon." Fascinating. Ducks and I then announced our plans to go to a festival at the Museum of Comic and Cartoon Art (MoCCA). Our friends Tom and Kristi immediately exclaimed in unison, "MOCHA FEST?!?" Once we explained it to them, they seemed less excited about joining us.

After our sadly-lacking-in-chocolatey-coffee-goodness festival, Ducks and I wandered about a bit. She took me to get Slurpees at a 7/11 (this is apparently a rare delicacy in NYC) and to an artifical beach at South Street Seaport. Finally, we met our friend Matt and his fiancee Makayla for dinner. It was Matt's birthday, 30 years young! But sadly the rest of us were too old to get up to any truly crazy shenanigans. Though we did wander back down to the bar at the artificial beach - they were playing house music, and there were only six people on the dance floor. We decided to call it a night.

And so ended my adventures in New York City - with an exhausted subway ride, a few hours of fitful sleep, and a far-to-early flight the next morning. *sigh* I wish I was still there.

Too Much Food

I was having dinner the other day with my friends Brendan, Sarah, and their unborn fetus (whom I refer to as Malachi) at a Mexican restaurant. "I want either a fajita or a quesadilla," I said. Then, skimming down the menu, and saw it - Fajita Chicken Quesadilla. Perfection. A smiling waitress took our orders and within minutes we had our food. As I tucked into my exactly-what-I-had-in-mind meal, it occurred to me: Mexican is the new Diner Food. You walk in knowing what you want and knowing you can get it. This standardization is comfortable as well as practical - even in a group of relative strangers, going out for Mexican is a pretty safe bet.

That got me to thinking... what's the new Mexican food? Probably Chinese - almost everyone eats it, but it's still exotic enough to make the meal feel a bit special. "Let's go out for Chinese," you might say. "Shake things up a bit." That would make Indian the new Chinese food, Thai the new Indian, and - I dunno - Korean the new Thai. Then again, as Brendan very wisely pointed out ... what's the new Korean food?

--

P.S. Obligatory lyric reference:
"Now you're about to get cut up or get cut down
It's all about the know how all just a matter of taste
Stop telling me the way I gotta play. Too much food on my plate."
Too Much Food, Jason Mraz

Who's touching these monkeys pigs?

I was at IHOP yesterday with my friends Maggie and Rachel. As soon as we were finished, my phone rang. It was my father, with a dire warning regarding this swine flu outbreak: eight cases in the U.S. and dozens of deaths in Mexico (since then the numbers have gone to 20 and 103 - but still no deaths in the U.S.). I found myself intensely glad that my father hadn't called until after I'd finished my Pork 'n' Eggs.

Mmmmm, potentially contaminated meat.

Joking aside, the idea of animal-to-human disease transmission is kind of terrifying. The most famous cases are probably mad cow disease (from eating the brain or spinal cord of infected cattle) and avian flu (from direct contact with infected birds or their droppings). Since I don't eat beef and am not a poultry farmer, I felt relatively safe from those particular outbreaks. However, according to the Centers for Disease Control website, there have been documented cases of swine flu passing between humans. That's part of the reason the World Health Organization has declared this swine flu outbreak in North America to be 'a public health emergency of international concern.' In other words, "Don't freak out or anything, but this could become a pandemic."

So what's a girl to do - hole up in a bunker to wait out the zombie porcine apocalypse? My dad says that's not necessary... and as a veterinary microbiologist, he should know. Basically, he told me to pretend like it's flu season - wash my hands, take my vitamins, and get plenty of rest. On the plus side, staying warm in this 90-degree heat wave shouldn't be a problem. And at the first sign of sniffles (actually, fever or cough), I'm to report to my doctor ASAP for examination and respiratory swabbing (where they rub long Q-tip along the back of your throat until you gag a little bit). Yay.

The good news is that standard antivirals work well against this disease. While the common flu virus is resistant to such medications, this strain is actually a "triple assortment" - a recombinant virus containing DNA from avian, swine and human influenza. Science fact is always stranger that science fiction. Still, I'm on board with President Obama - we shouldn't panic. But hopefully, once the dust settles, we can take a look at why over 100 people in Mexico died from the flu.

--

P.S. I'm just kidding about the contaminated meat - you can't get swine flu from eating pork. Also, the title of this post is from the song Think About It by Flight of the Conchords:
"There's people on the street getting diseases from monkeys.
Yeah, that's what I said - they're getting diseases from monkeys.
Now there's junkies with monkey disease...
Who's touching these monkeys? Please,
Leave these poor sick monkeys alone -
They've got problems enough as it is!"

Even More Lessons from the Family Sri

Lesson Six: Generosity

Mom: How many bags of spicy popcorn can I give you? Five?
Me: Sure.
Mom: If you say five, I will give you six.
Me: Uh, okay. "Five."
Mom: Okay.

When I got home, I had eight bags of popcorn.

This is part of Indian hospitality, to give more than is asked. The Tamil word for "enough," pothum, actually means, "I have to tell you to stop serving me now, so you'll only give me a little bit more." And if your hostess thinks you're not eating enough, be prepared for a sneak attack.

But I wonder if there isn't a deeper meaning for my mother. In our house, food has become the physical representation for her love. She demonstrates real anxiety when we're not stuffed after a hot, homemade meal. She bemoans my cooking skills (read: lack thereof) - if I can't make dinner, how can I show my (hypothetical) husband and children that I care?

When my mother was growing up and her family didn't have enough food for all ten children, the older siblings would give back their portions. "I'm not hungry," they would shout over the growling of their empty stomachs. "Give my portion to someone else." I cannot imagine the sadness and pride my grandmother must have felt, redistributing those meager meals. And all the while the girl who would become my mother was thinking,

Never again.

This week, in Cookie News

Top Story:
On Monday evening, Wistar and I went out for pan-Asian cuisine at Saigon Cafe. The service was bad, but the food was good (and you can't beat the prices at Saigon - you just can't). At the end of our meal, we were provided with the obligatory fortune cookies.

Wistar: Mine says, "Hard work is necessary to attain your heart's desire" - in bed, ha ha ha! How about you?
Me: Um... "Everyone agrees that you are the best."
Both: *awkward silence*

Human Interest:
After a long day at work, there's nothing I enjoy more than relaxing at home. And by 'relaxing at home,' I mean 'spending a couple of hours baking.' I don't know why I'm so obsessed with my oven - it's not like I eat all the cookies myself, either. I take them in for those ungrateful wretches at work. Anyhoo, I tried out (and inevitably modified) a new recipe last night. Here's a link to the original recipe.

Monkey Sri's Bananas for Cookies

3 mashed bananas
1 stick of butter (room temperature)
1 cup brown sugar, packed
3 eggs
3 cups of oats
2 tbsp flour
1 1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 cup milk
1 tsp vanilla extract
Chocolate chips and/or nuts
(optional, but c'mon - of course I'm going to add them)

1. Mix together the bananas, butter, and brown sugar. Unless you're like me and your brown sugar is all hard and un-mixable - then toss the whole mess in the blender and hit "grind."
2. The real recipe calls for four egg whites, but I almost never just add the whites. For one, it means you have to have scrambled egg yokes for dinner. For two, it's just a hassle. So just add the whole damn egg (x3) and blend again.
3. Dump the dry ingredients in a bowl - if you've used salted butter in your wet mix, you can cut down the salt to just a pinch. Pour the wet mix from the blender into the bowl and stir. Pour the milk into the blender and hit "frappe" to get the bits of wet mix that are stuck to the blades, then add to the bowl.
4. The real recipe calls for "vanilla or banana flavoring," which I did not have. So I just tossed in some vanilla extract - the cookies didn't explode, so I'm pretty sure this doesn't make a difference.
5. My walnuts were in large chunks, so I put them in a sandwich bag and bludgeoned them to death with a scented candle jar*. I added the crumbled nuts, as well as half a bag of chocolate chips, to the cookie dough. I usually prefer mini-chips, because you can achieve a more even distribution.

The resulting dough will seem very gooey, but don't worry. Drop it in large spoonfuls onto a cookie sheet and bake at 350 for 12-15 minutes (often I have to put my cookies back in for another few minutes in the oven, but this time 15 minutes was just right). The result will be soft, delicious cookies which are banana-licious without being overwhelming. Huzzah!

*The candle in question was a housewarming gift - thanks, Kara!

Personal Ads:
Single brown female looking to reconnect with a lost love - the tall, dark and handsome cookie sheet who's been out of my life for some months now. Where did you go? Please come back to me.

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!

Yes, everyone - not just sickening couples whispering sweet nothings to each other over candlelit dinners. This day o' luuuuuuuuuve is for all of us! And to help you celebrate, I'm sharing an amazing (and, incidentally, vegan!) chocolate cupcake recipe I found.

I don't know, you may be muttering. I'm not much of a cook.

Baking from scratch is not hard, people. Do not be afraid if you don't get things exactly right. Keep in mind my baking motto, YCMAE: You Can't Measure An Egg. This means that the people who write recipes have no way of knowing the exact volume of everything you need - every recipe has wiggle room. So let's begin!

Sweet Chocolate Cuppin' Cakes a la Sri

Phase One - Cupcakes
Ingredients:
1 3/4 cups flour
1 cup sugar (OR 1/2 cup Splenda for baking, with half the calories!)
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
1/3 cup cocoa powder
1/2 cup vegetable oil
1 cup water
1 tsp vinegar

Vinegar? you ask, understandably confused. Yes, vinegar. Don't panic, mama knows what she's doing.

1. My very favorite thing about this recipe is that it has one mixing step, which is this: combine all ingredients and blend with electric mixer until smooth. Though, I do like to stir the dry ingredients before adding the wet to ensure an even distribution.
2. Fill cupcake cups 2/3 of the way - 1/2 is not enough, 3/4 is too much. But Sri, you might frown and say, what about YCMAE? Look, if you wanted coherence go ... uh, somewhere. Else.
3. Bake at 350 for 25 minutes. This will give you plenty of time to whip up some frosting!

Phase Two - Frosting
Ingredients:
1/2 cup shortening (vegetable shortening works just as well, with no trans fat!)
1 tsp vanilla extract (note - any other extract, like lemon, would work just as well)
2 cups powdered sugar
2 tablespoons soy milk (or regular milk, if you're not married to the whole vegan thing)
Red food coloring (optional)

1. Beat together the shortening and vanilla.
2. Add one cup of sugar while beating.
3. Add one tablespoon milk. And beat again. If you don't have an electric mixer, your arm is going to fall off right about ... now.
4. Alternate sugar and milk slowly until desired thickness is achieved.
5. Add two or three drops of red food coloring and tah-dah! Pink equals love.

Phase Three - Decoration
Let the cupcakes cool during one whole intro from Veronica Mars (didn't I mention Weevil Navarro was a key ingredient?), or about ten minutes. My frosting came out so fluffy that I had to apply it with a spoon ... mmm, delicious. Now, use some hideously dark purple gel icing from the store to write "VD" on all the cupcakes and coat generously with red sprinkles. The idea is to evoke the image of, without actually depicting, oozing sores.

What? You recoil, bewildered. Wait ... what?

Shhhhh, I told you. This recipe is for everyone. Refrigerate the cupcakes overnight to let the outside of the frosting get a little crusty. Serve them to your friends and coworkers with a smile. And have a very happy Valentine's Day.